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Unfathomable.

question mark

Two years past our break-up, I still don’t get it. Who sends a steak back to a restaurant’s kitchen hoping it returns overdone? Who kicks Charlize Theron out of bed? Who sells a Picasso because it didn’t quite match the living room sofa? You’d have to be insane, really. So B. […]

Two.

book writing

Today is January 2. And 2 is on my mind. It’s been quite a while since I posted anything substantial on this blog, and with good reason: my literary energy has been spent writing sample chapters of the “Exit 4A” book for my agent and for prospective publishers. My agent […]

Your Anniversary Present

The first chapter of the Exit 4A book, due to publishers 10/15/2015.

October 11, 2015. It’s been two years since we broke up on a chilly Friday at your SW Michigan cabin. You kissed me off with the infamous line: “You are such a good girl. You will always be special to me.”  I haven’t contributed to this blog for many months, busying […]

Irreconcilable Differences

Ah, the smell of it...

After 38 years of marriage, 4 children, a 5-year separation, and 17 months of bitter legal wrangling, my ex-lover’s divorce went through on July 8. Yes, B. is now a free man. As Illinois is a “no fault divorce” state, the reason given for the dissolution of marriage was “Irreconcilable […]

FIREWORKS

BOOM!

Happy Fourth of July! I get a sense they’re not together anymore. B. didn’t show up for moral (or legal) support the last two times she tried to dust me in Court (which I won). He missed the fireworks, though, as the woman who replaced me came off as an […]

How Does Your Garden Grow?

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The summer of 2012 was the third-hottest summer and one of the driest on record in the US. Probably not the best time to plan or plant a new garden, especially one that wouldn’t be tended much. B. occasionally visited his SW Michigan cabin, but wouldn’t move in full-time until […]

Our Bitchin’ Beach Bench

The bench where magic happened.

Gillson Park Dog Beach I’m sure Ms. Goldblatt would blush if she knew what B. and I did on “her” bench. One autumn night several years ago I drove the 30-odd miles from my home to a beach less than a half-mile from B.’s. “I need to decompress,” he told […]

He Loves Me. He Loves Me…Not?

He loves me? Or he loves me not?

An affair that spanned 26 years (off-and-on). And when it was on, he just could never bring himself to say those three little words.  Instead, it was couched in words like these…on Valentine’s Day, seven years ago: Is this just bad boyfriend behavior? Or someone who really, truly had no love […]

Love In Bloom

Blehart

B. loves daffodils and knew I did, too. In spring he’d occasionally surprise me with a bouquet of daffs, or perhaps a single, cheery bloom. The gesture always thrilled me, endeared me to him.  I made and sent him this electronic Valentine’s Day card not long ago. At least I […]

#ThrowbackThursday: Today’s My Birthday!

An email of positively “explosive,” “over-the-top” birthday wishes from B. to me back in 2009: And how he “evolved” a couple of years later: Or DID he evolve? He never was demonstrative with words or deed. He never got comfortable saying the words, “I love you,” and that simple declaration would […]

His Loss.

Used toys

I’ve been thinking about loss. No, not the loss of my love affair with B. — Lord knows I’m over it and writing this blog has been cathartic in moving that process along. Nope, I’ve been thinking instead about HIS loss of me. Or losses I should say. B. lost so much […]

Do Relationships Have Expiration Dates?

Maybe our relationship had an expiration date?

YES! New Year’s Resolution #1 accomplished: clearing out my kitchen pantry of old foodstuffs!  Looking at the old canned goods I wondered: do relationships — even extramarital affairs spanning decades — have expiration dates?  Maybe our parting was destined to be. Maybe I didn’t take heed of the date stamp on […]

Erotic Email: Truth Or Dare?

Beautiful? Or bullshit?

  B.’s email to me dated 12/16/2009, 5:46 am: “In the early morning, I would pull you close, cup your breasts into my hands, slowly run the tips of my fingers across your nipples, nestle my head into your neck, press my cock tight against your ass and blissfully go […]

Pistanthrophobia

broken trust

Pistanthrophobia. Now there’s a mouthful. It means, “fear of trusting someone.” Stumbled upon the word the other day — can’t remember precisely where I read it — and it’s apparently a thing. It’s even listed in Urban Dictionary, so you know it MUST be real… I was curious about the origin […]

Divorce á Deux

Kermit and Piggy1

“One of these things is not like the others/Which of these things just doesn’t belong?” My ex-lover was married in August 1975. B. and spouse had four children together. In August 2009 he moved out, began a lengthy separation. The wife filed the divorce papers last February, effectively ending 38 […]

Toxic Triggers, Pt 8: Su-Su-Subaru

What multi-millionaire trades in a Lexus for a Subaru? A cheap one.

Note: This is Part 8 of an 11-part series of short posts on what triggers memories of ex-lover B., culminating on October 11, 2014, the First Anniversary of when he kissed me goodbye. Literally. His kiss was a kiss-off. I have not seen him since. TRIGGER #8: Subaru Outback White […]

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