Straight up now: How would you prefer to end your relationship? Could you handle a face-to-face meeting to break up, or via another method?
Anyone remember that “Sex and the City” episode where Berger breaks up with Carrie via a Post-it® note? He sticks the familiar yellow square on her computer bearing only the words, “I’m sorry. I can’t. Don’t hate me.”
My split with B. wasn’t much better. There was only one line in an otherwise chatty email that did us in — “aside from my mixing it up with a beach girl…” — and that was it. That’s all there was. Talk about cryptic.
I had no idea what he meant. There was absolutely no warning. I stewed over and parsed those 10 words for nearly two months — months without contact of any kind — until I finally picked up the phone to ask for a translation. Had I not called I might never have known that he’d moved on and left me wandering (and wondering) in the dust. Probably thought he was home free, a no-muss-no-fuss “clean break.” Or maybe lucky.
After 2+ decades of being his faithful lover, and he mine, he tossed me like a spent rubber. He never dignified me nor our long, affectionate relationship by a much more palatable (and preferably in-person) explanation and a gentle goodbye. Nope! He’d found some strange. And he thought only of himself.
There is no dignity in avoidance. Avoidance is the coward’s way out.
A former mistress (26 years, on-and-off) describes the good, the bad, and the ugly of her long-term affair. Conclusion: Affairs aren't necessarily destructive if kept in the correct perspective. Our experience enhanced BOTH our marriages.
That is, until his marriage ended and we began to love each other. When the affair morphed into a relationship, well, that's when it stopped being fun for me.
For 26 yrs we luxuriated in implicit Trust. When B. cheated on ME, it was the first time another person came into our relationship besides our respective spouses.
We have now irrevocably split.