Well, this is a matter of public record in the State of Michigan in the good ol’ USofA, land of the free, home of the brave, protector of people who lie and manufacture “facts” to achieve the outcome they want in our judicial system. Michigan just happens to have one of the most comprehensive (if not downright silly) definitions of stalking behavior in the country.
The matter is: Case No. 2014-002936-PP-S in the Family Division of the Berrien County, MI, Courthouse.
The gist is, B. (thanks to the transparency of the Court system, you could now know our full names, but I’ll refrain here) filed a harassment/stalking claim against me and we ended up in court for a June 19 hearing. I live in an adjacent state, so I hired a Michigan lawyer who specializes in family law and dispute resolution. I opted not to attend the hearing, not wanting to be quizzed by B. who acted as his own attorney; it would make me physically and emotionally ill and my doctors advised against appearing. The only witness called besides himself was his current “romantic partner” (Court’s words). He wielded this here blog against me as a weapon, claiming it was harassment and was preventing him from seeking employment. Really, now…
Long story short….I lost…..BIG TIME. My “lawyer” was ineffective and lame. (I’ve since listened to the Court proceedings on tape and read the transcript.) An order of protection was filed against me by the judge forbidding the usual things like any type of communication from me to B., no entering his property (as if I would. Uh, no way.), no appearing in his sight, no following….all those things difficult to do even if I had the inclination. Geez, Your Honor, we live 90 miles apart and I want nothing to do with him ever again.
The process server showed up at my doorstep on June 23 — one of the deputies from our county sheriff’s office — and that was scary enough. The personal protection order (PPO) would be in effect for one year. Overkill.
Although I didn’t appreciate the falsehoods and lies B. used against me in the hearing, I actually welcomed the Order. It contained all the things I could abide by and really would have no bearing on me, anyway. Over is over. We broke up last October. He cheated on me with that hag and that’s enough for me to say “Sayonara, asshole.”
But then, on July 9, while I was on a business trip, my MI lawyer advised me B. had again petitioned the Court for a hearing this Tuesday, claiming I had violated the order.
I HAVE NOT VIOLATED THE JUNE 19 ORDER IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM.
Here we go again, I thought. This jerk just wants to keep twisting the knife. He’s claiming I “communicated with his wife and children” (no, I did not), that I had communication with him through his divorce attorney (SHE contacted ME first about this blog), and asks that the Court add my husband to the Order of Protection since — get this — he reached out to B.’s divorce attorney in an attempt to settle this dispute. My husband is a lawyer and that was a cordial, professional exchange. B. then instructed his attorney not to respond to my husband. We extended an offer of peace, but peace is not at hand.
As of this writing, B. has refused settlement on at least 4 occasions. The deal is, I would completely delete blog “Exit 4A” in exchange for lifting the PPO against me. (Or, at the very least, shortening its effect.)
That is why, friends, I have taken “Exit 4A” private. I have lost 90% of my followers and WordPress stats indicate the blog has essentially flat-lined. If he, his family, or agents are reading this, then they have accessed it via subterfuge and they cannot claim harassment. I am super-careful to whom I grant access. [Ed. note: it’s public when I want it to be. Just letting it breathe every once and again. Just like taking the doggy out for a little walk and see who stops to pet it.]
Due to a legal technicality, the hearing has been moved to Aug. 4th. My husband, a trial lawyer with nearly 30 years’ experience, has written some masterful briefs and motions to quash B.’s petition. It will be an interesting day in court, but I won’t be there. Too much stress emotionally and physically. The judge could order me to jail for contempt of court, but I am confident that, with my husband now at the steering wheel, we will kill off B.’s frivolous motion.
But the fallout from all this legal maneuvering is this:
I had to tell my husband about my long-term affair with B. He said he suspected it all along, and that he suspected I was involved with B. Yet darling hubby is standing right by my side, waiting to spring like a coiled cobra on the Petitioner: My ex-lover.
A former mistress (26 years, on-and-off) describes the good, the bad, and the ugly of her long-term affair. Conclusion: Affairs aren't necessarily destructive if kept in the correct perspective. Our experience enhanced BOTH our marriages.
That is, until his marriage ended and we began to love each other. When the affair morphed into a relationship, well, that's when it stopped being fun for me.
For 26 yrs we luxuriated in implicit Trust. When B. cheated on ME, it was the first time another person came into our relationship besides our respective spouses.
We have now irrevocably split.