“Silent running” is the term used when submarines go quiet, when nonessential functions are cut to minimize noise, when the crew is told to keep movement to a bare minimum so as to evade detection while submerged.
I’ve been “silently running” these past few weeks…sitting quietly with my hands in my lap, reading everyone else’s blog posts and — on the advice of legal counsel — writing none of my own.
But y’all have been in my thoughts.
My ex-lover B. successfully got an order of protection against me in a Michigan courtroom on June 19, using the most egregious lies and falsehoods, just utter nonsense. He bulldozed the judge and my hired gun (I didn’t attend, thinking a MI lawyer could handle this mess) put up no defense. The protective order was handed down and made valid until 6/19/2015. The judge expressly declined to rule on whether or not I could blog about him. His Order is standard stuff: no contact of any kind, no mailing of letters or packages, etc. I don’t know why a “protection order” was even needed, I live 90 miles away in a different state and don’t engage in any stalkerish behavior of any kind. We broke up about a year ago when he cheated on me. End of story. I haven’t seen him since.
Courts can be odd; plaintiffs odder still. I certainly welcome, and can live with, the Order’s provisions because it ensures a year of no contact with a man who threw me over (via a 10-word EMAIL!) after being his faithful lover on-and-off over 26 years. Hey, his loss.
But he didn’t stop there. Last month, a sheriff’s deputy appeared at my doorstep with a notice from the judge saying that B. had filed a “show cause” (complaint) that I had violated the Order, alleging I had appeared in front of his (soon to be ex-) wife and children, that had contacted him, and similar bizarre allegations. I’d done nothing of the kind. NOTHING! I’d been “silently running.” The hearing was set for Monday, August 4.
In his June court petition B. made it quite clear he hates this blog and wants it gone, but since I took it private in mid-July neither he, his kin, nor his agents can access it. The fact that you’re reading this now is because I’ve granted you permission to do so. It is driving B. nutty that “Exit 4A” lives on.
So at Monday’s hearing B. made specious allegations about me without any proof I’d violated the June 19th protective order; what he was really asking the judge to do was to finally rule against this blog and order it removed. But B. failed to hear the judge’s June ruling: “the order says nothing about whether or not she may or may not continue to write about you in her blog.”
Only this time, he was cross-examined by my husband, a trial lawyer with over 30 years’ experience. That’s right: my loving spouse became lead counsel and faced down the man I’d cheated on him with. It was surreal. Fellini could not have filmed a more bizarre scene.
Hubby pounded away, point after point, until B. finally relented that he had nothing on me. That his motion was frivolous. That he really was looking to the judge for relief from this blog. That I had not, in fact, violated the June 19 Order.
And just like on June 19, I did not attend court. I am working with a therapist to learn skills to get past this affair and she thought it best that I not appear in person and have to face B. Only this time, the judge patched me in via telephone, 90 miles away. I listened with pride, admiration, gratitude — and, yes, even a little perverse satisfaction — as my talented husband shot bullets through my former lover’s argument, bringing him to his knees.
It was obvious to all B. had no case. The judge dismissed the motion to show cause and strongly admonished B. for bringing this junk in front of the Court, telling him “there will be consequences” if he did it again.
And he again ruled that I am free to write about B. and our long-term affair. The “DETOUR” signs on Exit 4A have been removed.
A former mistress (26 years, on-and-off) describes the good, the bad, and the ugly of her long-term affair. Conclusion: Affairs aren't necessarily destructive if kept in the correct perspective. Our experience enhanced BOTH our marriages.
That is, until his marriage ended and we began to love each other. When the affair morphed into a relationship, well, that's when it stopped being fun for me.
For 26 yrs we luxuriated in implicit Trust. When B. cheated on ME, it was the first time another person came into our relationship besides our respective spouses.
We have now irrevocably split.