“One of these things is not like the others/Which of these things just doesn’t belong?”
My ex-lover was married in August 1975. B. and spouse had four children together. In August 2009 he moved out, began a lengthy separation. The wife filed the divorce papers last February, effectively ending 38 years of marriage. The divorce is still not final. I suspect they are fighting over his considerable wealth.
B. and I became lovers in August 1987. We would be lovers, off and on, over the ensuing 26 years. We split last August when he took up with another woman. But he waited until October to let me in on his secret.
“Can you tell which thing is not like the others/ Before I finish my song?”
I share with B.’s wife the feelings of anger, of abandonment. I imagine my pain is akin to hers. I didn’t cause their marriage to fail, but I blame another woman for the end of my affair. I feel the betrayal. I feel cast aside. I’m lonely, I’m heartbroken, and I miss the man who will never again be mine.
There’s very little difference between B.’s wife and me right now. The finality is excruciating. Yet she gets the divorce decree and a settlement of money and property.
I get nothing.
“Did you guess which thing was not like the others?/Did you guess which thing just doesn’t belong?”
“If you guessed this one is not like the others/Then you’re absolutely……..RIGHT!”
A former mistress (26 years, on-and-off) describes the good, the bad, and the ugly of her long-term affair. Conclusion: Affairs aren't necessarily destructive if kept in the correct perspective. Our experience enhanced BOTH our marriages.
That is, until his marriage ended and we began to love each other. When the affair morphed into a relationship, well, that's when it stopped being fun for me.
For 26 yrs we luxuriated in implicit Trust. When B. cheated on ME, it was the first time another person came into our relationship besides our respective spouses.
We have now irrevocably split.