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He Loves Me. He Loves Me…Not?

An affair that spanned 26 years (off-and-on). And when it was on, he just could never bring himself to say those three little words.  Instead, it was couched in words like these…on Valentine’s Day, seven years ago:

He loves me? Or he loves me not?

He loves me? Or he loves me not?

Is this just bad boyfriend behavior? Or someone who really, truly had no love for me…only lust? A user?

Categories: Affair Affairs Infidelity Memories Relationships Valentine's Day

Tagged as:

Exit 4A

A former mistress (26 years, on-and-off) describes the good, the bad, and the ugly of her long-term affair. Conclusion: Affairs aren't necessarily destructive if kept in the correct perspective. Our experience enhanced BOTH our marriages.

That is, until his marriage ended and we began to love each other. When the affair morphed into a relationship, well, that's when it stopped being fun for me.

For 26 yrs we luxuriated in implicit Trust. When B. cheated on ME, it was the first time another person came into our relationship besides our respective spouses.

We have now irrevocably split.

5 replies

  1. In my past experiences so far, men are not emotionally attached as women are. They are able to separate sex as only sex and love reserved for the special someone. From looking at this email, it seems as if he only wanted you for sex, nothing more. But that answer only lies between you and him.

    1. Yes, that email sure was dripping with sex. But also desire and need. It’s taken me a looooong time to finally figure out that he wanted a friend with benefits…despite the longevity of our affair (26 years, on-and-off). It’s really an eye opener when you finally come to realize all of this “love bombing” was just another hallmark of a narcissistic personality. Thanks so much for reading and commenting, Evelyn.

      1. I also think men just respond differently. I’m not saying all, but in general. Whereas woman connect sex with intimacy, emotions. Men connect sex as a need, desire, as you mentioned, and basically just lust. My last affair ended on his part since he “disappeared.” I was extremely devastated as I had started to develop feelings for him, but he only saw me as a sexual outlet. He had broken up with me previously when we started the affair, but got back on together. I really believed he was unlike the others as he showed emotion and shared his life with me. But I knew deep down, he probably couldn’t handle it for long due to work, stress, family, etc. And I won’t ever know now 😦 Thank you for writing about your experiences. 😉 You have spent nearly half of you life with this man. It is a a lot to take in, digest, and accept.

      2. You used the phrase “devastated” and I can relate! Emotionally and psychologically devastated, more like it, when the end came so abruptly and without the *slightest* warning. But he merely found and tapped into “new supply,” like all disordered narcissists. It took over the span of 26 years, but B. sure did the narcissist’s dance of Devor — Devalue — Dump. I’m past that part of the grief process now and hope you are, too. I’m deep into the phase of “It’s His Loss” and you may want to check out my recent short blog post on that. I felt better once I recognized it wasn’t anything I did to make him hook into another woman….he was just a dick (in all senses of that phrase). 😉

        Thanks for reading and commenting, Evelyn. I hope your heart has healed or is healing. It is a tough process.

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