בְּרָכָה (Hebrew) berakah — a blessing
Despite the lies and self-serving chicanery B. used to obtain a personal protection order against me in a Michigan courtroom last June 19, I’ve come to see it as a berakah, a blessing in disguise.
Urban lore holds that it takes, on average, one month for every year spent together to get over a break-up. The affair B. and I had spanned 26 years. So that would make for a mourning period slightly longer than two years. That’s a very long time to grieve the loss of a relationship that I once held so dear (as did he). I loved that man.
To my surprise — and delight — it’s taken me less than half the length of the 12-month restraining order to get over B. and our long affair. For that I actually thank the PPO in place against me for it forbids all contact with B.. Instead of making me cry, it’s made me a very happy person. Its restraints against emailing, texting, calling, dropping by…..all the usual protection order constraints…..have forced me to move on and away from the narcissistic poseur that (I’ve come to realize) is my ex-lover. It made me quit thinking about him. I have a new job. I have a new relationship. What’s past is past.
Because he is a narcissist (and also an ass), B. will, in all likelihood, attempt to keep the PPO in place once we meet up in court again this coming June. He will lose. I have not violated its terms (nor would I) because they are so beneficial to me. B. hates this blog and its partner Twitter feed, but dems da breaks. He hurt me deeply by love-bombing me for years and then dumped me in a blink of an eye for another woman. “Exit 4A” is the payback. That Michigan judge who put the PPO in place upheld my right to blog about our ended affair, and he’ll uphold it again in June. There’s a little thing called freedom of speech, y’know.
But in some twisted way I am grateful to B. for the PPO for it’s made me move on faster than I thought I could ever do on my own. Unbeknownst to him, he gave me a grand gift. A berakah.
A former mistress (26 years, on-and-off) describes the good, the bad, and the ugly of her long-term affair. Conclusion: Affairs aren't necessarily destructive if kept in the correct perspective. Our experience enhanced BOTH our marriages.
That is, until his marriage ended and we began to love each other. When the affair morphed into a relationship, well, that's when it stopped being fun for me.
For 26 yrs we luxuriated in implicit Trust. When B. cheated on ME, it was the first time another person came into our relationship besides our respective spouses.
We have now irrevocably split.