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Irreconcilable Differences

The court case docket

The court case docket

After 38 years of marriage, 4 children, a 5-year separation, and 17 months of bitter legal wrangling, my ex-lover’s divorce went through on July 8.

Yes, B. is now a free man.

As Illinois is a “no fault divorce” state, the reason given for the dissolution of marriage was “Irreconcilable Differences.”

Indeed. In the last five years of our affair, when B. and I were most close, all there was in that marriage was fighting and rancor. They went through counseling (twice) to no avail. I don’t think our affair cost them their marriage; it was on the skids for years. I was just the one B. sought out for solace and understanding. 

“Irreconcilable Differences.”  I’ve been thinking a lot about that phrase. B. and I have been parted for nearly two years now. We have our own differences that can never be mended. His cheating on me. His lying. The personal protection order he filed against me last summer (which has since expired). His trying to get his current girlfriend to sue me for things I posted on this blog about them. His never-ending narcissism. The extreme haughtiness of his behavior and demeanor.

It’s over between his wife and him now. It’s long-past over between B. and me now, too. 

Categories: Uncategorized

Exit 4A

A former mistress (26 years, on-and-off) describes the good, the bad, and the ugly of her long-term affair. Conclusion: Affairs aren't necessarily destructive if kept in the correct perspective. Our experience enhanced BOTH our marriages.

That is, until his marriage ended and we began to love each other. When the affair morphed into a relationship, well, that's when it stopped being fun for me.

For 26 yrs we luxuriated in implicit Trust. When B. cheated on ME, it was the first time another person came into our relationship besides our respective spouses.

We have now irrevocably split.

2 replies

  1. It is funny how everything works out the way it does…. I was just wondering if you think him and his girlfriend our done do you think he will come seek you out? even though he has caused so much harm would he be stupid enough to do this…

    1. I never thought the woman who “replaced” me (though our intimacy could NEVER be replaced, as I wrote in a previous blog post…) was B.’s type. And he did not show up TWICE in her Court proceedings against me, he did not show up to support her which I felt was odd. (She tried suing me for things I wrote about her/them in my blog.) So perhaps they are no longer together. Honestly, I don’t care. I know they could never, EVER approach the level of intimacy we enjoyed for so many years, and that realization is immensely satisfying, It has brought me peace.

      No, I doubt he will seek me out, not after all the Court proceedings he dragged me through. He thinks I am stalking him. I am not and have not. He’s completely deluded. One of the many traits a narcissist has!

      Thanks again for reading and commenting. It is nice to re-connect. Hope things are going well for you.

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