He never quite “got it,” that being another man’s wife meant I couldn’t bring home those over-the-top sentimental cards, letters, bouquets of flowers, small gifts and trinkets he’d give me during our libidinous get-togethers. I thanked him for all the gestures knowing deep down their lifespan was measured.
Being in an affair requires some stealthy moves. You can never let your guard down lest ye be discovered. So the things he gave me during our affair necessarily made their way into the trash, and quickly, too: I’d hardly turned my car out of his neighborhood when the goodies disappeared….unceremoniously dumped in the aluminum trash can at a local kids’ park, at the 7-Eleven near his house, at the Walgreen’s down the street. All those cards! All those flowers! A brilliant bouquet of long-stemmed roses…well, that was a tough one….into a grocery dumpster. They all had to go.
Unsentimental? Nah, just plain smart.
Waste management remains an issue, too, once an affair is over. I was cleaning out a locked cabinet the other day when I discovered some cards and letters dating back to 2006, during an earlier iteration of our affair. (I guess I was a sentimental “hoarder” back in those days.) Even a three-page letter detailing my lover’s sexual history. (What made me keep THAT?!) I flipped through these written professions of love now dead and had a hearty laugh. They might have made my heart skip a beat then, but now? I did what I usually do when a relationship expires: I got busy.
I gathered up this mass of paper and took it to a local shredding center, watching as a total stranger rather deftly moved them through the shredder’s blades, each card and letter turned into unrecognizable bits, and I smiled. It was oddly cathartic and I kidded the shredder guy, “Was it good for you? Because it was REALLY good for me.”
He shrugged. I did, too, then turned my back from the detritus of that relationship and walked away.
Categories: Affair Affairs Break-ups Infidelity Memories Relationships Sex
A former mistress (26 years, on-and-off) describes the good, the bad, and the ugly of her long-term affair. Conclusion: Affairs aren't necessarily destructive if kept in the correct perspective. Our experience enhanced BOTH our marriages.
That is, until his marriage ended and we began to love each other. When the affair morphed into a relationship, well, that's when it stopped being fun for me. We have now irrevocably split.
Lately I've been writing about the man who took his place in the "off" years of that 26-year-long affair. He was a dynamic sexual partner but we, too, now have irrevocably split.
These are our stories.