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Exit 4A

A former mistress (26 years, on-and-off) describes the good, the bad, and the ugly of her long-term affair. Conclusion: Affairs aren't necessarily destructive if kept in the correct perspective. Our experience enhanced BOTH our marriages.

That is, until his marriage ended and we began to love each other. When the affair morphed into a relationship, well, that's when it stopped being fun for me. We have now irrevocably split.

Lately I've been writing about the man who took his place in the "off" years of that 26-year-long affair. He was a dynamic sexual partner but we, too, now have irrevocably split.

These are our stories.

Too Much and Not Enough

  Too much and not enough. Is there any such thing as a “Happy Medium?” From 2002 to 2017 I was involved (off-and-on) with Boy Toy…..well, let’s just call him Brian.  Brian was a strangler, meaning his kind of love and attention was so stifling that at times I could […]

Re-gift To The Rebound Girlfriend

Boy Toy took a shortcut, probably Christmas 2017 around the time that his dad died. No real desire to shop for Kooky Girl? Post-funeral lethargy? Lack of gift ideas for a woman he knows is not “The One?” Who knows. Maybe sheer convenience. But in early December 2017 I’d returned […]

The Fuck(s) In The Truck

I wore skin-tight denim jeans with bright cherry-red ribbons snaking down each leg. A semi-shear red blouse with no bra. Long, dangling diamond earrings. And scarlet strappy stilettos punctuated with crystals. Hot, hot, HOT. I’d always wanted to go to a strip club but my husband refused. So in 2006, […]

Ho-Ho-Holy Shit!

It’s the holiday season, so EVERYONE….PLEASE!….don’t drink and drive, and certainly be cautious of others while you’re on the road. Unbelievably, Boy Toy’s current live-in/squeeze has had at least THREE DUIs. Twice she served time in jail including — get this — over Christmas Day 2014. And perhaps more unbelievable, […]

Hard Living

Wow. Kooky Girl’s alcoholism and penchant for criminal behavior (picture on right is a mugshot published online) has really wreaked havoc on her looks, don’t you think? I bet there’s not more than 20 years between these photos. She’s lived a hard life: retail theft, alcohol, multiple DUIs, caught while […]

Boy Toy Buh-Bye

I broke up with Boy Toy about this time last year. (Truth told, I broke up with him — or he with me — numerous times over the years.) On one of those breakups, in April 2017, I sent him this email to call it “quits.” I wanted it to […]

The Birthday Bash Bust

Ever have someone do something nice for you, but you felt like they’d gone “over the top?” It’s February 12, 2016 and Boy Toy invites me over to his apartment to celebrate both my birthday and Valentine’s Day since they are just a day apart. I shower, perfume myself, and […]

The Last Fucking Time

One year ago today, August 23, 2017, was the last time I fucked Boy Toy. And it will be the final time. No more — EVER. We went out with a whimper, not our usual “bang.” This is the way I’d marked it on my 2017 calendar: I remember the […]

Jelly Beans and Baccarat

We’ve all done some pretty stupid things when we were kids. But is a 23-year-old woman still a kid? Kooky Girl was working in the gift department of a Saks Fifth Avenue in the affluent Chicago suburb where she was raised when a male friend came in to visit. What […]

Attack Dogs

On July 2 I was attacked by Boy Toy and Kooky Girl. On July 26, she was found guilty of battery against me. Boy Toy was never charged with a crime. I was stopped at a light in town and glanced over to see Boy Toy in his SUV (SUV…that’s […]

The Sugar Daddy

Must be nice to have a “Sugar Daddy.” She breaks the law (repeatedly) and he pays the bill.  Here he is paying for her most recent transgression,  driving on a suspended license owing to a previous DUI: QUESTION:  Why do men stay with women who use/abuse them? I’ll tell you […]

Dirty Little Secrets

I care about him. No, I don’t love him, don’t want him back, don’t want to fuck him, don’t particularly want to ever see him again. But something inside — maybe the on-and-off relationship we’ve had with each other since 2002, its meaning and longevity — still makes me care […]

Redemption: Earned or Given?

Yesterday was Easter Sunday which got me to thinking about rebirth and redemption. Is redemption (and forgiveness) earned or freely given? How many chances does one get in life to ride the straight and narrow path of “right” or, if one continually is in the “wrong,” do they get a […]

Their Fucking House

The day after Thanksgiving I was besieged by texts from Boy Toy’s kooky girlfriend. I honestly don’t know what set the kook off. This one just begged for a response, so I seized the opportunity to describe in great detail the bedroom — their bedroom — in which I fucked her […]

Sex, Lies and Videotape

It is November 2006. Halfway through one of our many libidinous iterations. His then-girlfriend/housemate is out-of-town on business, so he invites me to have a Fuck Fest with him in his heated garage on one of his wave runners that has been put away for the winter. I think: This […]

BALLS!

It happened a couple of years ago, a crisp autumn day as I recall. We both played hooky from work and took advantage of “Free Admission Day” at Chicago’s Museum of Science and Industry (MSI). Seemed like a good opportunity to interject some much-lacking culture into our relationship. (I don’t […]

Find A Gym! PRONTO!

She calls me “ugly/whore/cunt” on her social media and in texts to me. So this post is expressly for her: My husband said you were “fat” but geez, Pudge, you are the walking definition of “Wide Load!” Quit blaming your thyroid, get to a gym, and DO SOME REAL WORK […]

The Vacation From Hell

A year ago this week, he and I were vacationing together in Puerto Rico. He told his girlfriend he was on a guys’ golf getaway; I told my spouse I was traveling alone. It still drives her batshit loony to this day that he — who had just started dating […]

The Ambush

Just after Thanksgiving, as the world was slipping into the season of giving, my ex-boyfriend and his current gal pal decided they would give my husband a “present:” they would try to break up my marriage by telling him about our affair. Except he left her to do the dirty work, lingering […]

Garbage In. Garbage Out.

He never quite “got it,” that being another man’s wife meant I couldn’t bring home those over-the-top sentimental cards, letters, bouquets of flowers, small gifts and trinkets he’d give me during our libidinous get-togethers. I thanked him for all the gestures knowing deep down their lifespan was measured.   Being […]

The Lawless Loser

The above is but one of several text messages she’s sent me calling me a “loser.” WHO CARES? Remember that old adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me?” Her words (and actions) bounce right off me without effect.  But let’s examine who the […]

Square Peg, Round Hole

Dear Ex-Lover: You can’t force compatibility. In all our iterations, we ignored the fact that we simply aren’t right for each other. All we have in common is an obsession with hot sex (preferably with one another). In all other ways we are fundamentally different, and for years I turned […]