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Hard Living

Wow. Kooky Girl’s alcoholism and penchant for criminal behavior (picture on right is a mugshot published online) has really wreaked havoc on her looks, don’t you think? I bet there’s not more than 20 years between these photos. She’s lived a hard life: retail theft, alcohol, multiple DUIs, caught while […]

Boy Toy Buh-Bye

I broke up with Boy Toy about this time last year. (Truth told, I broke up with him — or he with me — numerous times over the years.) On one of those breakups, in April 2017, I sent him this email to call it “quits.” I wanted it to […]

The Last Fucking Time

One year ago today, August 23, 2017, was the last time I fucked Boy Toy. And it will be the final time. No more — EVER. We went out with a whimper, not our usual “bang.” This is the way I’d marked it on my 2017 calendar: I remember the […]

Attack Dogs

On July 2 I was attacked by Boy Toy and Kooky Girl. On July 26, she was found guilty of battery against me. Boy Toy was never charged with a crime. I was stopped at a light in town and glanced over to see Boy Toy in his SUV (SUV…that’s […]

Sex, Lies and Videotape

It is November 2006. Halfway through one of our many libidinous iterations. His then-girlfriend/housemate is out-of-town on business, so he invites me to have a Fuck Fest with him in his heated garage on one of his wave runners that has been put away for the winter. I think: This […]

BALLS!

It happened a couple of years ago, a crisp autumn day as I recall. We both played hooky from work and took advantage of “Free Admission Day” at Chicago’s Museum of Science and Industry (MSI). Seemed like a good opportunity to interject some much-lacking culture into our relationship. (I don’t […]

Find A Gym! PRONTO!

She calls me “ugly/whore/cunt” on her social media and in texts to me. So this post is expressly for her: My husband said you were “fat” but geez, Pudge, you are the walking definition of “Wide Load!” Quit blaming your thyroid, get to a gym, and DO SOME REAL WORK […]

The Vacation From Hell

A year ago this week, he and I were vacationing together in Puerto Rico. He told his girlfriend he was on a guys’ golf getaway; I told my spouse I was traveling alone. It still drives her batshit loony to this day that he — who had just started dating […]

The Ambush

Just after Thanksgiving, as the world was slipping into the season of giving, my ex-boyfriend and his current gal pal decided they would give my husband a “present:” they would try to break up my marriage by telling him about our affair. Except he left her to do the dirty work, lingering […]

Garbage In. Garbage Out.

He never quite “got it,” that being another man’s wife meant I couldn’t bring home those over-the-top sentimental cards, letters, bouquets of flowers, small gifts and trinkets he’d give me during our libidinous get-togethers. I thanked him for all the gestures knowing deep down their lifespan was measured.   Being […]

The Lawless Loser

The above is but one of several text messages she’s sent me calling me a “loser.” WHO CARES? Remember that old adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me?” Her words (and actions) bounce right off me without effect.  But let’s examine who the […]

Of Plates And Pebbles

When B. separated from his wife in August 2009 he quickly found and furnished a rental house to live in with two of their four kids who had not yet flown the coop. I lent him all sorts of household items including a set of white Cuisinart plates and serving […]

Unfathomable.

Two years past our break-up, I still don’t get it. Who sends a steak back to a restaurant’s kitchen hoping it returns overdone? Who kicks Charlize Theron out of bed? Who sells a Picasso because it didn’t quite match the living room sofa? You’d have to be insane, really. So B. […]

Your Anniversary Present

October 11, 2015. It’s been two years since we broke up on a chilly Friday at your SW Michigan cabin. You kissed me off with the infamous line: “You are such a good girl. You will always be special to me.”  I haven’t contributed to this blog for many months, busying […]

How Does Your Garden Grow?

The summer of 2012 was the third-hottest summer and one of the driest on record in the US. Probably not the best time to plan or plant a new garden, especially one that wouldn’t be tended much. B. occasionally visited his SW Michigan cabin, but wouldn’t move in full-time until […]

Love In Bloom

Blehart

B. loves daffodils and knew I did, too. In spring he’d occasionally surprise me with a bouquet of daffs, or perhaps a single, cheery bloom. The gesture always thrilled me, endeared me to him.  I made and sent him this electronic Valentine’s Day card not long ago. At least I […]

His Loss.

I’ve been thinking about loss. No, not the loss of my love affair with B. — Lord knows I’m over it and writing this blog has been cathartic in moving that process along. Nope, I’ve been thinking instead about HIS loss of me. Or losses I should say. B. lost so much […]

Do Relationships Have Expiration Dates?

YES! New Year’s Resolution #1 accomplished: clearing out my kitchen pantry of old foodstuffs!  Looking at the old canned goods I wondered: do relationships — even extramarital affairs spanning decades — have expiration dates?  Maybe our parting was destined to be. Maybe I didn’t take heed of the date stamp on […]

Erotic Email: Truth Or Dare?

  B.’s email to me dated 12/16/2009, 5:46 am: “In the early morning, I would pull you close, cup your breasts into my hands, slowly run the tips of my fingers across your nipples, nestle my head into your neck, press my cock tight against your ass and blissfully go […]

Pistanthrophobia

Pistanthrophobia. Now there’s a mouthful. It means, “fear of trusting someone.” Stumbled upon the word the other day — can’t remember precisely where I read it — and it’s apparently a thing. It’s even listed in Urban Dictionary, so you know it MUST be real… I was curious about the origin […]

Divorce á Deux

“One of these things is not like the others/Which of these things just doesn’t belong?” My ex-lover was married in August 1975. B. and spouse had four children together. In August 2009 he moved out, began a lengthy separation. The wife filed the divorce papers last February, effectively ending 38 […]