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Orange Ya Glad It’s Over?

Amazing, the things you remember lovers by… B. had some interesting, even endearing, habits. One was how he’d meticulously peel an orange and eat it. He has done this ever since we first knew each other, back in 1987, at our workplace. We’d eat lunch together (usually amongst co-workers so as […]

Cunt! Bitch! Motherfucker! Prick!

Harsh words, indeed. Words I quite honestly never say, especially that ugly “C” word. It’s so coarse. But on that May morning, in a tiny donut shop in Sawyer, MI, those words spewed from my mouth with vengeance and anger. They seemed apropos. I came face-to-face with B. and his new […]

Meat And Potatoes Sex

In retrospect, the sex was merely average.  He disliked using my toys, preferred naked skin over anything I’d wear from Victoria’s Secret, and had little imagination in the sack. It wasn’t exactly missionary-position-with-lights-out, but it was rather standard fare. In the 20-odd years I was B.’s mistress, ours was meat […]

Silent Running – This Blog Lives On!

“Silent running” is the term used when submarines go quiet, when nonessential functions are cut to minimize noise, when the crew is told to keep movement to a bare minimum so as to evade detection while submerged. I’ve been “silently running” these past few weeks…sitting quietly with my hands in my […]

Classless and Clueless

Straight up now: How would you prefer to end your relationship? Could you handle a face-to-face meeting to break up, or via another method? Anyone remember that “Sex and the City” episode where Berger breaks up with Carrie via a Post-it® note? He sticks the familiar yellow square on her […]

Independence Day

Last Independence Day (2013) I was recuperating from back surgery in B.’s Michigan cabin. Circumstances, and a child on the premises, dampened my ardor. It would be the last time I’d visit there as part of a committed relationship with him. I still don’t recall the last time B. and […]

Our Bitchin’ Beach Bench

Gillson Park Dog Beach I’m sure Ms. Goldblatt would blush if she knew what B. and I did on “her” bench. One autumn night several years ago I drove the 30-odd miles from my home to a beach less than a half-mile from B.’s. “I need to decompress,” he told […]

8,853

Eight thousand, eight hundred and fifty-three emails exchanged between B. and myself 2002-2013. (And a handful kept from the late 1990s.)  And that’s just the Incoming emails from B. I have spent the weekend organizing my old AOL account’s emails, putting each email into a specific year’s folder. Of course, I […]

Big Me, Little You: Loving A Narcissist

Blehart

  Excuse me while I bore you for a bit with this text-heavy clinical definition of narcissistic personality disorder (comes straight from everyone’s favorite nightstand book, the DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, revised 2013). Do you see yourself or someone you love — or have loved — […]

CONGRATS B.!

AWESOME work for a guy whose only legal experience consists of putting words in Congress members’ mouths. I’m sure the UMN debate team would be SOOO proud! All you did was beat up a girl(friend) today. Sleep well, big man…

Heavy Lifting

I was the one who held his tie out of the stream of vomit as he bent over a parking lot trash can, so upset was he at the realization that his 38 years of marriage were coming to an end. I was the one who lent him dishes, lamps, […]

Holy Smokes! Three Oaks?

I read somewhere it’s Mental Health Awareness Month, and maybe I should have my head examined. I’m spending Memorial Day weekend near Three Oaks, Michigan, where B. makes his home. Spending the long holiday weekend with my husband in the land of my ex-lover. We’ve rented a beautiful cottage less than a […]

Dog Day Afternoon

It’s July 2005. We’re in a room at the Renaissance Hotel, splayed naked next to each other after another good, sweaty romp. B. reaches across my body and grabs his small metal pot pipe from the nightstand and begins to toke up. He was (still is) a heavy weed user. […]

The Good (Office) Wife

Blehart Office Wife

It started, as many affairs do, at work, way back in 1987. Interestingly, it was his boss I was trying to reel in: a quick-witted, erudite, sharp minded, well-respected, kinda-on-the-nerdy-side guy. Just my type! But despite all attempts, Mr. Boss Man professed love and allegiance to his wife, and even a kiss […]

The Kids Are(n’t) Alright

I call the “Sunday Styles” section of the New York Times the “Women’s Sports Section.” I love reading about the weddings and believe I could turn tales of my affair with B. into one of its “Modern Love” essays. But the above clip appeared in the “Social Q’s” column on […]